I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
