I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize