my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
