So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
