I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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