my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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