Everything about him screamed your future.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
