we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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