I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
