I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
