i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
