you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
NoShamevember. You game?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
