i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The air was thick with penises
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
do nipples grow back?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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