this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
