You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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