it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
