I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
