this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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