Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
