Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
