They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
