hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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