I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
