Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
