My nipple is on Facebook.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
