you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So much rum. So many feels.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
