she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
