I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
