I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
