Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
