You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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