And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
