hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
