in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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