Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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