i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
