Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
