When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
