I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
