ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
