just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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