we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
