so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
pray to the hookup gods
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
