Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
