I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
