You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
