Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
