yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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