I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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