Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
