It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
