i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Two words: nipple clamps
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