Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he fucked my hip out of place.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You pole danced in your parka.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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