she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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