"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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