I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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