Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
