ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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