i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
