wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
soo... how was my night?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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