Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
