i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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