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She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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