the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
