i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
