So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
