someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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