why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
